Social anxiety knows no age, no gender, no race, no sex. It likes to prey on the weak, the vulnerable, the lonely, and the insecure. It will tell you you’re not good enough and make you fear being inadequate around friends, family and the people you meet throughout your day-to-day activities.
All of these feelings and emotions men have been told through the generations to suppress and hide from the people around them out of fear that it will make them less of a man, too emotional, and that it will single them out from their family and friends opening them up to judgement and ridicule. Instead, men are told to “man up” and push their feelings deep down as a means of hiding themselves away so they appear less “womanly” and emotional.
What does it mean to “man up”?
The “man up” mentality is the fictional idea of what a “perfect” man should be. Characteristics of this “ideal man” include things like strength, confidence, hard-working, athletic, outgoing, good looking etc. Men are “supposed” to be the backbone of the family. The gladiator of the sexes.
Men are taught to leave the emotions to the women and to be an emotional rock for the people round them. To be strong in the hard times and be the pillar of safety and security. To give and give and give their emotional energy but require nothing in return.
It’s unrealistic and quite frankly, detrimental for anyone who tries to bottle up their emotions time and time again without an release.
So, what if you don’t fit the mold of the “ideal man”? What If you get emotional? What if you aren’t the athletic type? What if you get scared? What if you feel insecure?
What do you do? Where do you go? What options are available for help?
The secret is…
ALL MEN FEEL EMOTIONAL FROM TIME TO TIME.
ALL MEN FEEL INSECURE SOMETIMES.
ALL MEN HAVE FEELINGS.
ALL MEN GET SCARED.
ALL MEN CRY.
ALL MEN ARE HUMAN!
It’s human nature to have feelings, to need help, to feel safe in your environment and relationships… to FEEL. Humans are incredible in the way that our brains work and function to both consciously and subconsciously keep us alive, help us think and interpret the world around us.
No matter what gender, sex or how you identify, we are all human. So, it makes sense that men have emotions other than happiness, that men have feelings, and get scared from time to time. It’s NORMAL and EVERYONE experiences it.
The “man up” mentality needs to be revamped, reconstructed and refinished. We need to let the men in our lives know that they have every right to express their emotions, to communicate their feelings and to feel safe and secure in doing so.
The consequences of the “man up” mentality are harmful and damaging to men’s mental health and wellbeing and in some cases, even life threatening. Men who bottle up their emotions and aren’t taught how to regulate them in a healthy way are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, anger issues, insecurity, low self-esteem/confidence, and in extreme cases suffer suicidal thoughts and behaviours that can lead to suicide.
So, what can men do if they suffer depression, anxiety, social anxiety, other mental health related disorders, or just need healthy coping mechanisms for their feelings?
The same things everyone else does!
COMMUNICATE. All people need to feel safe to communicate to those who love and support them in their lives free from judgement and ridicule. We need to know that it’s okay to feel our feelings and that our friends and family are our sounding boards for our successes AND our failures.
HAVE HEALTHY OUTLETS. Whether you like to work out, run, have a hobby like kick boxing, reading, or playing video games, as long as you have a healthy outlet for your emotions, it will help calm you down when you feel overwhelmed and allow you to refocus your energy.
SEEK HELP. Know when things get out of control and when to seek help. It’s normal to bring a car in for a tune up, or to make an appointment for the dentist just to get a cleaning and a check-up. It should be normal for us to check in on our mental health from time to time and go in for a “tune-up” or check-in with a professional to make sure that we are on the right track and making health strides in our lives and our mental health.
Let the men in your lives know it’s okay to express themselves. Make sure they know that you are a judgement free zone and that you support their feelings, decisions and their overall mental health.
We need to do better to get rid of the stereotype that men having feelings is WEAK, LESS THAN or WRONG. We are all human. Feelings are a part of life. LET’S GET USED TO IT!
June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness month, but everyday we need to let the men in our lives know they are heard, they are safe and they CAN FEEL!
By: Meagan Weniger | Social Anxiety Mentor
The Socially Awkward Normie 