I have been told by many therapists that writing down my feelings and thoughts would help with my anxieties. Something about helping me process the events of the day to alleviate overthinking. I thought why not share it with you all?! Maybe someone can find comfort in my entries or even just, feel not so alone.

Every day kind of bleeds into the next when you are on stress leave and it’s easy for me to find excuses not to leave the house. My social anxiety is happy but I feel more uneasy. Is this anxiety I have going out to the grocery store my new normal?

Simple tasks feel like major hurdles in my life. I have panic attacks just sitting in the car before going anywhere. It didn’t use to be this bad; I had social anxiety and fear of people before, but not to the extent of never leaving home. I focus on my wins as much as I can. It’s the only thing keeping me sane.

My big wins for the day were doing laundry, dishes and straightening a few things up. There was one point I could barely leave my bed, let alone the bedroom, so I view this as a big step.

My workouts have been nonexistent, and I find it hard to get going. All I want to do is sleep.

I have been running the last few weeks so, maybe I’ll have the confidence to go to the gym soon. The depression weight gain not only has made me uneasy, but less confident aswell. Going out in clothes makes me feel sick, so I always wear leggings and a sweater- even though it’s summer. Sometimes I have a confident day and wear nicer clothes, but those days are far and few between.

I wanted to start streaming on my Twitch channel: sociallyawknormie today but chickened out because everything is so new and I’m afraid of screwing up. I’m aiming to be up and running tomorrow and finally start that side of my Social Anxiety venture, but I’m also scared. New things are terrifying and change for me isn’t easy.

I wonder if anyone else has felt like this today.

Wonder what I can get up to tomorrow!

-Meaggs (S.A.N.)

As you can see, I'm not really a journaling person. I am going to try and stay consistent here but I have my flaws too.

The last week has been difficult with therapy and reliving past experiences, but it's also been so amazing.

I overcome some of my biggest fears and am now in the publication process of my book. I wrote it in 2022 and it's been a long process but I'm so excited to see the final product.

It's hard not to think about what others will think about it and judge me. This is something I've always wanted to accomplish and maybe one day make it my career so this book is sort of the be all end all to my potential career. Wish me luck.

I'm having extreme anxiety lately and going out in my town has become a chore. Who am I going to run into? What if they see my depression weight gain? What will they ask me if they speak to me? It's utterly exhausting.

So far the last couple weeks I'm running again which feels amazing and it's been a great way to clear my head. Whenever I want to get back into shape I find running to be my way back to myself. I feel like I maybe lose my motivation to keep working out as the gym always becomes my focal point and I find less and less time for running the more I weight lift. I think I need to reflect on that and make time for the things I find meaningful and less on how I think it'll help others perceive me.

Just my reflection of the day. I'm flawed and I'm accepting that.

Stay happy!